RED

Remembered you with anguish,

Deepening red.

A lot of screams that never left my throat,

I hate you is all I wanted to say.

I hate you 'cause you hurt me,

It hurts 'cause I hate you now.

Never thought I would.

Not how I would have wanted to remember you,

Never thought it would be this way, but so it is.

I still reminiscence the first conversation we shared,

All the vulnerability we bared.

In front of each other,

We put out, our seeping love, red heart's content,

Through words one could hardly decipher.

It was rare.

But now I question, was it you, who was really there.

Vividly remember the first time we met,

A quiet bond forged, glances shared.

Harmless banter and dissimilarities nurtured,

Now I ask myself, "why did you feel bothered".

Bothered enough to care, to look at you with empathy,

A vacuum consumes, grows within me, an apathy.

And it's devouring red.

The night when you felt vulnerable,

The unhealed red wounds that you figuratively laid bare,

Raised my back's hair.

That's when you seemed beyond tolerable,

Rather someone who deserved to be loved,

Love deeper than red.

The colour you wore when I met your girl,

So lost, in each other,

A family you thought you secured.

Distances grew when I didn't see you,

Busy working in a company with logo red, an experience new.

was standing at my door, when we grew closer like we never had before.

We sat on marble.

You talking about things delicate,

And how overwhelming was the feeling of being hated.

Held your hand, like I had before,

Only to find red dripping on the floor.

Overlooked it then and now my mind can't scrub those flashes away of something dead.

All I see is red.

Red were your eyes when you balled them out,

Stood like a shield for you, with not a single doubt,

Crossing my mind,

In some twisted perception of yours.

The advice of the woman in red fell on deaf ears.

Time passed.

My heart swelled, felt valued,

You were put on a false pedestal, mind you.

Months flashed by, all red,

From all the profound love I felt for you.

We said sweet nothings and talked about future,

Our kids being friends and a front porch where life would be good.

I envisioned a white porch once,

Now it is all red from how much our friendship bled.

Words, words, words,

They shattered a lot.

Wrote things to each other that caused a blot.

Blot of red ink spilling on the paper of not just you and me, but the girl you thought was meant to be your forever.

I remember when we held, onto each other,

Whispers of reassurance we shed.

If time could erase,

I would blotch that out,

In return of a cauldron full of my red blood bled.

It was red,

How you never took my name,

For the sake of my namesake.

It was red,

The colour of your car,

We never drove in around.

It was red

The wine I sipped on,

When I hugged you for the last time.

I still remember what you wore,

The colour of your sombre mood, a grey sweatshirt.

To see her cry, made me hurt.

My mind can still recall,

The way you blink your eyes lovingly,

Your speech mannerisms and gestures,

Still a part of me,

Mourns our friendship, Jesus?

What a blasphemy.

Never thought it would be this way, but so it is.

All our memories are painted a guilty red.